Low Carb Lows

Before and after pictures would be pretty pointless at this point. I didn’t anticipate a lot of what’s happened this month. I certainly thought I would’ve lost more than 11lbs/5kg, considering I didn’t cheat at all for the first two weeks. Then we were travelling and we tried very hard but I’m sure we went over a few times. This Saturday when we went to the movies we had to cheat; we go to the movie theater maybe once per year so popcorn was mandatory. Then there’s the matter of insanity that has been my hormones. Out of the past ~5 weeks I’ve been on my period for 3. I had no idea this was common and somewhat “expected” when you’re on keto. That’s okay, I can deal with the extra hassle of it all. But that also means I plateaued for 3 weeks. Which has done glorious things for my own motivation and desire to keep it up. As I’m sure you could understand. Combine that with the meal planning, shopping, cooking, and portion controlling every single meal we’ve eaten for the past month…

Some metrics:WL

  • Neck 3″ loss
  • Underbust 3″ loss
  • Waist 2″ loss
  • Hips 2″ loss
  • Overall loss 11.8lb
  • Average Loss/week 2.9lb
  • Projected date for reaching goal weight: 12/5/14

Drinking the Sugar Free, Low Carb Koolaid

I’m going to be talking about dieting, probably a lot because I still miss cake and ice cream a lot. Oh and soda. And fruit juice…. a lot. I’d typically drink a glass or two before the show just to lubricate me enough to be relaxed and funny. You can definitely hear a difference on this week’s show (you can also hear me chugging water a few times). Back to what I was saying before I was derailed by wine. If you don’t like the idea of high fat, medium protein, low carb diets then just leave. Haters gonna hate but I won’t tolerate! (Is that a thing, did I just copy that? Eh, it’s kinda close to that brony saying, oh well I still like MLP:FiM)

So we started a ketogenic diet on Tuesday (6/24). The first day we were like “fuck, bread.” The second day we were sleepy. The third day we were anxious. Today, we’re bored.

I’ll break it down a little bit. Right now we’re eating 72% of our calories from fat. Not fake fat. Real, pure fats.

source: http://lentilbreakdown.blogspot.com/ who completely understands my love of butter

source: http://lentilbreakdown.blogspot.com/ who completely understands my love of butter

Awww yisssssss. Butter. Basically fats and carbohydrates are proportional. You gotta eat. You lower your carbs, you’ve got to eat more fats to feel full. The difference is when I eat fats my head is in less of a fog. Carbohydrates make my sleepy. I love that full, half-coma semi-high feeling; I really do. But feeling like I can finally think and being less stressed about life in general because I’m not running myself to the edge of the cliff is way better.

I killed myself for 2 weeks on a 1400 calorie diet recently. I cheated for 1 day and gained 3 lbs. I day of cheating made me gain back everything I had lost after 2 measured, depression inducing weeks. I’d pretty much resigned myself to just being fat. Fuck it. It’s not worth it and if I feel healthy, that’s going to have to be good enough. Thing is, I didn’t feel healthy. Yes, I could still play with the kids, walk, and function. But I wasn’t really happy about how big I was or how tired I was all the time.

My friends had been on keto, I didn’t really see a big change. Then his brother showed up, we hadn’t seen him for a few months and he had been on keto as well. Yikes. Lots of weight loss. And he wasn’t exactly suffering in the food department. Alright, fuck it. Let’s research.

So I did. A lot. I didn’t really understand what it was really saying. I’ll attribute that to the fact that I have little to no medical background and hardly any chemistry left from high school. But I had seen results. I read reddit, I read atkins forums, I read anything and everything even tweets from people who hadn’t even been on the diet but had heard great things. I finally found a few meal plans that seemed right and that’s what we went on. I spent a metric crapton of money on groceries (more than I usually do for a whole month) mainly because carbs are cheap. They’re subsidized by the government for Christ’s sake. Of course I knew there was going to be an initial investment for sweeteners and fats and stuff like that, that was to be expected but I really didn’t think they’d be so much more expensive than the other stuff.

You can spend $14.95 on Amazon to get 48 oz of Crisco All Vegetable Shortening. You could also spend $29.76 to get the same amount of Coconut Oil (I did the per ounce price because the nearest size was 54oz). That’s just the oil!

We’ve eaten a lot of food. There have been a few moments when we were hungry. So we ate pepperoni. It’s 0 carbs, it’s chewy and flavorful. We were still wanting all the stuff that’s still in the house for the kids but we haven’t slipped up just yet. Except for when Ben stuffed a hard candy in his mouth without thinking and then spit it out. I’m going to say that was like 2g of carbs 😛

The vertigo has been bad in the mornings, but I’m blaming that on the coffee with heavy whipping cream and all the extra salt. Caffeine has always been a trigger for me. The vertigo wasn’t too bad for the past few months because I’d been drinking tea pretty exclusively.

I miss you little guy. You're still my best friend!

I miss you little guy. You’re still my best friend! (Ignore the dirty dishes, it’s an old picture)

I may end switching out to tea once I can find out if the tea I like has carbs (because there is fruit in it, but I’m not eating it).

In the meanwhile, I’m losing inches. Without losing a whole lot of pounds at the moment, Aunt Irma is in town so it’s be expected. I’ve lots 2 inches on my waist, 4 on my underbust, 1 on my hips and 1.5 on my neck. I’m definitely fitting into older clothes better, though I’m still not down by a dress size. We’re not sleepy during the day and we’re getting more quality rest. This is awesome.

P.S. I have a near gallon of fresh fruit sangria in my fridge that is REALLY mad at me. Seeking a good home? It’s been soaking since last Saturday.

My favorite kitchen tool

Don;t bother trying to steal the numbers, it's already been spent 😉

It may seem crazy but hear me out. When it comes to cleaning an old gift card/ credit card is my favorite tool. Scraping off dried on food, cleaning out the sink (and around the edges), and getting large food spills corralled nothing beats a card. I’ve saved more soap because my sponges weren’t getting mucky on the first pot for it to be a noticeable drop in usage.

Surprise! Pot Holder(s)!

I know it’s a bit late. I’d had the fabrics picked out and ready to go for a month or so. But life got in the way. I’d been planning on making this as a Christmas present to my mother-in-law who never has a mitten or pot holder around (until about a month ago >.<). Yesterday I realized after 45 minutes of cutting it all out I was ready to start sewing.

The whole thing was done over the course of an afternoon with kids underfoot (quite literally as Honeybun is fascinated with my sewing machine pedal). A non-childinfested home (I say these things lovingly!) could probably complete it in 2 hours flat. I used a tutorial off of sew4home which is still one of my favorite sites to take ideas from. (Sidenote: I just spent 30 minutes looking at projects >.<)


Woke up at 11am – Not so productive.
Got bins from the spare bedroom out to the shed so our guest will be able to close her door – moderately productive.
Cleaned up the dining area so we can dine there – mostly productive (I tried the pillowcase method to clean my fan blades and I’ve got to say it works pretty well as long as you’re able to be at eyelevel or at least close to be super effective)
Breaded and baked pork chops, mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli – definitely productive.
Baked Snickerdoodles and fudge from scratch for Ben’s work – super productive!
Now it’s time for sleep. Tomorrow I’ll tackle the kitchen </3

Not Dead, Just Dead Tired

I’ve been blogging, for realsies, you guys just haven’t seen any of it. I usually type up blogs on my phone except lately I’ve been running into a weird bug with the windows phone 7 WordPress app. Once the post gets to a certain length it starts to just display blank space and not the words you’ve typed. Maddening when there’s a long post to pen. Or not pen, write? Author? Type? You get the idea.


We’ve been gearing up for the holidays around here. Honeybun is still in the process of learning crawling and she’s started off with some pureed pears as a first real meal. Everyone usually sneaks her something during a big family meal but that’s just how it goes with babies. Pops is obsessed with guns and says he wants every gun he sees. Bad news when he spends the day watching YouTube videos of little boys and paper guns.

Thanksgiving is upcoming so that’s being planned. Sort of. Haphazardly. I bought two 3lb turkey breasts because my oven sucks and I don’t want to risk having a frozen bird after 6 hours of cooking. My oven is also on the small side. We’re keeping it simple this year; turkey breast, stuffing, green bean casserole, candied sweet potatoes, salad, kolache dough rolls, and deviled eggs (Thanks Ranni!) are definitely on the menu. An apple pie may be joining the party but pumpkin is out since I refuse to go to the store during this week. It’s a matter of keeping my sanity.

I got a super awesome birthday present from Benj who didn’t actually notice it was on my Christmas list 😛 He’s a sweetheart for coming up with it on his own. Love it. Gave it an inaugural run tonight for episode 9 and I think it sounded pretty good. You can judge for yourself once it’s uploaded. Unfortunately I wasn’t on the top of my game so Chris will have a fair amount of editing to do >.<

There's a super huge post coming down the line about that quilt I'm still sort of making. Our relationship is complicated. Don't ask, it's definitely a weird quilters thing.

I might blog about Thanksgiving.

I'll definitely blog about the awesome microphone rig I've got.

For now, sleep.

Kolache Cookalong

GroupedIngredientsScalding MilkMeltingFoamyCakey?
Blob-yGrowingDough DoughStickinessAfter KneadingFillings Prep
RisingPunchedWrappingFirst InLike PresentsFirst Out
Second OutThird InThird Out

Kolache Cookalong, a set on Flickr.

Kolache is a Czech pastry, it can be filled with meat, cheese, jams or jellies, it’s pretty versatile and the dough they use is more fancy than your typical croissant tin wrapped hot dog. And now after reading the wikipedia page it seems I’ve been making both kolache and klobasnek. Whatever. In Texas, they’re both kolache. I grew up a few blocks from a Shipley’s so I always figured everyone knew about kolache 😛

Sweet or savory, breakfast or dinner, they make a fine addition to your meal planning.

Pumpkin Seed Saving

I made granola! Sort of. My version probably isn’t that healthy but it is pretty darn good mixed with my morning yogurt. You could also add more nuts and make it like a snack mix for the holidays as well. I kinda sorta adapted it from a recipe,  mostly just to look at proportions, this is a very flexible base that you substitute and make it pretty much any way you desire.

2 cups oats (I used regular rolled oats)
1/4 cup sunflower seed kernels (they were slightly salted)
2 cup pumpkin seeds
1/2 cup walnuts
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/3 cup vegetable oil, or flax or sesame or whatever
1/2 cup honey
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup Water
1 cup dried fruit; (I used cherries, cranberries, blueberries, and strawberries mix)

Preheat to 300’F.

If you’re going to add dried fruit, you may want to reconstitute it in a bowl of hot water, let it set until you’re done baking. Take all your dry ingredients and mix them together until fairly uniform. In a separate small bowl mix all your wet ingredients together as if you were beating an egg, you want it to be homogeneous. Pour the wet into the dry mixing as you go.

Pour a tablespoon or so of your oil into the baking pan, use some paper towel to get an evenly coated grease into corners and edges especially. I guess you could be fancy and use parchment paper instead but I’m not.

Dump the mix and spread it out in your baking dish. Pop it in the oven and stir it every 20 minutes or so. I only cooked mine for 45 minutes but my oven is very wonky and the base recipe says an hour. Essentially you want crispy crunch, not mush like it was pre-baking. Let it cool down enough so that you can handle the dish with a bare hand and mix in the fruit, at this point you want it get down to room temperature before you freeze, refrigerate, or otherwise store.

Hubby says it could’ve used more honey, but I think I probably should’ve just added the sugar I had previously omitted.

Pumpkin Carving is Hard Work

Let me preface the title a bit by saying that I spent almost all of last week quilting nonstop. I didn’t even do much and it still made my hands hurt!

Pops and Benj went at it Tuesday evening. I helped scoop out the pumpkin soul and consulted with design 😛 Last night Benj declared it to be finished after some more whittling on the mouth area.

I was frugal; separating, washing, and drying the pumpkin seeds. Overnight they decided to fuse with the paper towels so I had to de-lint them by hand all morning. Fun stuff /eyeroll. I’ve got an idea in mind for a not so healthy granola/yogurt topping. Rolled oats, pumpkin seeds, walnuts, dried fruit, cinnamon, sugar, and honey to glue it all together in the oven. Maybe even some nutmeg or I might go crazy with ginger. Who knows? 90% of the time I’m winging it in the kitchen.

Start to finish is behind the “more” tag. Continue reading

My Mouth is on Fire: Spicy Sausage Pasta

1 package Earl Hot Links

1 onion (cut in circles)

1 can mushrooms (small)

16 oz uncooked fusili (or spiral or whatever :P)

1 can fire-roasted tomatoes (I used some with jalapenos and more onion)

1/2 tsp black pepper

Cook your pasta based on what the package says, drain and return to the large pot you probably used. Fry up the sausage, onion, mushrooms, add in pepper once the onion is cooked thoroughly. Mix it all together and serve it up. Prepare for the heat wave to approach your mouth 😀